Trying to do a solid selfie session because my hair and makeup are on point, and in reviewing the photos I can only stop dead and obsess over how my nose looks in this shot.
I hate asymmetry so much. My scar doesn’t even bother me, it’s the lopsided lip and flattened nostril that make me want to hide that side of my face forever. I’ve been doing much better since my last surgery with not thinking about it and not worrying if people are on the wrong side, but sometimes it hits me like a train that I am forever going to see myself as that deformed little monster baby in her crib, or that middle school girl who was followed home from the bus by a group of boys singing circus music, yelling “Freak show!” and laughing.
I am terrified that I will pass this down to my hypothetical children. Terrified. It’s a silly thing to worry about, especially when there are much more devastating birth defects out there, but it makes me sick to think about just the same.